Boudoir, what it is and what it isn't.

Listen now! Just click the link above! The text version is coming shortly. Special thanks to Sarah Berner for being my copy editor on this specific blog cast. Also, as an edit, I mention my friend John Pivko's website on the blogcast and got it totally wrong. If you are in need of a talented wedding photographer in the New York/New Jersey area, visit him on his home on the web at http://www.pivkophoto.com.

It's been a whirlwind of a couple of weeks. I've been bouncing back and forth between New Jersey and North Carolina to visit my parents and shoot some weddings with my old childhood friend John Pivko of Pivko Photography. I actually am lying as I type that because to be very honest, we weren't exactly friends as children even though we lived one street over from each other and both have oddly Polish-but-not-Polish last names. I was always perceived as the "bad influence" on most kids. <insert hilarious sitcom laughter track here> I know, right!? Me? A bad influence? No, seriously, parents really got it wrong, for I am one of the few people I know that isn't on drugs, divorced thrice, or living in a cardboard box...yet. Marginal victories here, Mike! I guess I had a dirty mouth and tried to buy a Playboy with my other friend Mike at around age 10, so that was their inherent perception of me. Ah, well, we can psychoanalyze me later. I pay my therapist good money to tell me what I already know. Let her do her job.

Anyway, yes, I've been busy. It's been good, I suppose. I love busy spurts and I hate them, though I wish I was busy more often. Heading into the winter months gets a little scary because work tends to slow down and people usually don't venture outside much, so photographers (mostly wedding) pack up and go on vacay or return to some other employment. Ah, this is the plight of the not-quite wedding photographer. You wouldn't be able to tell I shoot weddings and "standard" looking portraits from this website. I hide it well. This site is a collection of my passion of conceptual art and the human body. You'll have to venture to the more family friendly Michael Jacobs Photo LLC - my parent company, my silly little business - to find more modest, real world portraits.  I don't fit the mold of wedding photographer, nor do I ever want to, but I still have to make a living in these "off months." Hell, I always just need to make a living. 

So I sat down with a good cup of Lidl coffee (seriously, have you been to Lidl? Go, it's a German grocer now invading America. Invading is possibly not the right word when talking about Germany and America. It's like Aldi but less self deprecating and with better produce). Anyway, I sat down to think what I could do to keep myself financially in the black til the new year. I'll always confess this, my passion lies with the art I do on this website. I do enjoy regular portraits of people and I feel I've made some gorgeous things for people to have for the rest of their lives, but I sit here with this confession: my heart lies here, in conceptual art, fashion, and the human body. It just always has and always will. I think I'm decent at it. I'm not pulling an Avedon or Tim Walker just yet but at least I give it my all. So while still sitting with that cup of coffee, I tried to think, "How can I bring the worlds I shoot together?" It just sorta revealed itself as I continued drinking that wonderful caffeinated liquid: Boudoir. I should shoot boudoir more! It has elements of what I shoot creatively, and it's much more marketable than the things I already shoot. If you're sitting there reading (or listening to this) as I write this and are like, "Uh, what? Who is this? What are we talking about? What's boudoir photography? This isn't NPR, WHERE IS ROBERT SEAGULL!?!", then let me back track for a second if you're new to the concept of boudoir photography.

boudoir (/ˈbuːdwɑːr/; French: [bu.dwaʁ]) is a woman's private sitting room or salon in a furnished accommodation usually between the dining room and the bedroom, but can also refer to a woman's private bedroom. The term derives from the French verb bouder to sulk or pout, or boudeur sulk or sulking, and originally was a room for sulking in, to put away or withdraw to.

Yes, a literal definition of the world boudoir. It's a lady's bedroom. Or a sulking woman. This blog post is about photographing a woman sulking in her bedroom. Thanks for listening folks, goodnight.

Just kidding. Well, sorta.

Boudoir photography, in its most basic definition and form, is somewhat intimate, personal photographs that an individual (usually but not always a female) has created to give to a significant other as a gift of sorts. Now, I have lots of moments while I write that make me feel like I want to stop here and throw the computer out the window, because that's just me, so bare with me for a second as I collect my thoughts and try to continue.

<deep breaths>

Boudoir photography has become a bit of a niche genre that is marketed to brides-to-be that want to give their groom a special sexy present before their wedding night. Well, this is from my hours of researching people who shoot boudoir, so it's not exactly scientific, but it usually goes like this. It's called boudoir photography because it is usually set in the bedroom of the woman a photographer is shooting. Now I am not going to play with pronouns too much during this blogcast but I'll be clear that it's mostly marketed towards people that identify as female. There are guys who request boudoir, but honestly it's been lambasted as tongue and cheek and silly. I have yet to receive a boudoir inquiry from a guy that feels confident in his sexuality and body. Please guys, give me a call. It almost sounds as if I'm asking for a date there. I'm not. I just love to have variations in my clients. ANYWAY.

A photographer offers a package with some pictures, a booking at a hotel (because generally people live in filth and don't want their own quarters showcased), ask the client to buy or wear some uncomfortable lingerie they've never worn or their significant other's shirt or some other butt floss contraption, and then puts them into uncomfortable, contrived poses that are suppose to elicit some modicum of sex appeal. Don't get me started on pinup boudoir. Just don't. Not a fan, never will be. Anyway, these photos are then either given digitally or in a little black book to their significant others for some sort of "WOW THAT'S SEXY" reaction and then everyone goes on about their day again.

Was that a good description of boudoir photography? 

I know, I know, my tone indicates my distaste for the formulaic definition of this niche. Why? I shouldn't care that's what most boudoir is, but I do care. I'm the type of person that always tries to expect more from people, from life. I totally got this from my mother, and this is the only time I'll be mentioning my mother in a post about boudoir, but she is a person that has standards and expectations. It sounds really basic but not a lot of the general public have these ideals. People are mostly okay with just okay. This irks a person who really wants people to always give 110% when asked to do 90%. I'm not talking about the type-A sorta perfectionist way here though. It's more of the Four Seasons having a Motel 6 work ethic. It does happen; humans get complacent and offer just enough to get things done. I actually think most of America works like this. This is a big reason we are in the mess we're in now. 

So when it comes to boudoir photography, my expectation is not the standard "client-wears-sexy-underwear-posed-uncomfortably-and-then-expects-their-significant-other-to-go-bananas-because-someone-took-pictures-of-them-in-a-thong" shoot. This is what boudoir isn't to me.

<voice from space>: "Well Mike, looking at your boudoir images, I clearly see just that."

Thanks, Flying Spaghetti Monster, I appreciate the vote of confidence. It comes down to intent. And fuck you, man, none of my poses are contrived! 

Let's build some universal truths as to what I feel boudoir should be. Let's take the significant other out of the equation. I get it, it's a great gift, and I've totally marketed it that way in the past. Yes, your significant other would probably love to see you in various states of undress, well lit and beautiful, but let's talk about you.

So either Square Space or my internet connection royally just made me a very not happy Mike. I generally save every couple paragraphs and cut and paste into a word document JUST in case things like this happen. Guess who didn't cut and paste into a word document and lost about five paragraphs below this? Yeah, not fun. When you hit save on Square Space, the expectation is that is saves the progress. It simply did not this time. Let me regain my bearings and type something out that probably is a third as good as what I originally wrote. Le sigh, le sigh.

I don't want to make the blanket statement that posing in the buff or near buff is the most empowering thing someone can do. It's not. There are many forms of empowering actions. I feel like this happens to just be one of them. Again, we are focused on the self at the moment. A boudoir session doesn't have to be for anyone but yourself. There's something primal, slightly narcissistic (I say that in the best way possible, even though I don't believe in healthy narcissism but that's another story for another therapy couch) and possibly emboldening about displaying the human form. I'm kicking myself as I type this because I had a pretty good statement that was something to the effect of:

Everyone has a little bit of self appreciation in their rear view mirror. Everyone. And it's okay from time to time to look back at it and make sure it's still there. When we look good, we feel good. Like right now, I look like a disheveled mess that lost four paragraphs of this blog to the internet gods. I don't feel the best. But when I've taken care of myself, eaten healthily, brushed my hair, I feel better. Especially with my body.

I totally said that line way better in the first edit, by the way.

Anyway, maybe you've gotten your body to a point you feel proud of. Maybe you have overcome a difficult experience in life and want to show off. Maybe you just love yourself and want to embrace the beautiful perfect and imperfect sides of you. And yes, maybe you have a significant other that wants to see a more primal, sensual part of you through photographs.

It's okay to love the way you look, to get more in tune with how you feel. It's our job as a creative and photographer to help you with that image. Boudoir isn't the vision of the photographer. It's your vision on how you can see yourself in a flattering way. We just help with that vision. So if people are showing up to photograph you with the intent of institutionally contrived sex appeal, they really aren't giving you a service. They are taking your picture. Which is pretty self-centered.

As a male photographer currently living in the south that shoots boudoir, I find it pretty important to address how I go about working with clients on a matter that is a little more intimate than your normal portrait. I know there will be individuals that will discount my services right off the bat because I am a guy. I understand where they are coming from, to an extent. It can be personal, and this part of the country is a little more conservative, but I want to shed some light into my process when a client approaches me to shoot boudoir.

I firmly believe shoots like this are successful with two main ingredients (well, three, but we will get to the third in a second): trust, and comfort. You're trusting someone else to portray you in an intimate fashion. Your comfort follows. Not just your comfort with me, comfort with yourself. Boudoir clients who can become an actor, or play a part, or go to a special place in their heads, often have the most successful shoots. This has absolutely nothing to do with posing, too. My poses aren't going to make you look better. Your attitude is going to define that. I get to know my clients on a more human level. I want to know their comforts, their fears, their funny stories, their sad stories, their favorite music, their favorite candy bar. When they talk about these things, you can see their eyes light up and it's amazing.

These are the the moments you take into a boudoir session, not: "OKAY PULL YOUR THONG DOWN TO THE SIDE AND WRAP YOUR HAND AROUND THE PEARLS WONDERFUL GREAT SEXY!"

Ew.

What I find most important to bring into a session is humor; humor more than anything.
If you don't know this about me, I spent a good deal of my entire adult life working in mental health. I worked with very sick individuals. They didn't have many great moments in their life thus far to subscribe to, so I actively participated in trying to find something that would make them laugh. Coping skills for the mentally ill and coping skills for the non-mentally ill are pretty much the same. Humor is a pretty great equalizer. Countless studies show that when you are laughing, your heart rate lowers, as does your blood pressure, and your brain and body create all those lovely neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine to make you feel a whole lot better. In boudoir sessions, this is a must! It's the third ingredient. You're more likely to be yourself or someone else if you're rolling on the floor laughing between takes. It's true. I have some hilarious outtakes. Trust is partially established when you agree to let me photograph you. Humor helps that comfort set in.

I always want you to feel like you're in control of the situation. You're dictating the world, I'm just helping you walk through it. This is why it's so important we discuss wardrobe before the shoot. I don't want people going out and buying things they aren't used to wearing. Nor does the session have to be about specific clothing. Sometimes it's not even about clothing! (Ha ha ha, get it, boudoir, not about clothing.)

Oye, I'll see myself out.

Like I said, it has to be about attitude. Your attitude. I cater to the mood with music that you've picked. (It makes me talk less, which is a good thing. I'm a talker hahaha). I'll never tell anyone to act a certain way. I shutter at the thought (not a spelling error, a pun!) of saying "act sexy." A) That's inappropriate.
B) That's a perfect way to be awkward and do the opposite.
I want people to go to places they find happy in their mind. I use telephoto lenses to stay out of the client's space. Remember, it's their kingdom, I'm just visiting to document. 

I curate spaces we shoot in. Boudoir never has to be about a bedroom, it can be a Bojangles for all I care. (That would be pretty odd wouldn't it? Bojangles boudoir...I'll give them a call.)

When all is said and done, all clients get a locked, private gallery with an abundance of images for them to select. The final product is usually a simple black book, because the images should speak for themselves. No text or silly phrases. It's always just about the images. Sometimes clients will just want the files but I find having a tangible object solidifies the experience. You've made something out of nothing. That's amazing, You get to keep it forever. When our robot overlords disconnect the internet, you'll still have that book. Now I'm going to go on a tangent about printing your photos; next month's blog post I'm sure.

I feel like I've deflated the air in the balloon a tad because of losing the first draft of this post, but maybe I didn't have such a grand finish in the first place.
To answer that initial question though, boudoir photography is many things and it's entirely one thing at the same time.
It can be the awful things I depicted it as, or it can be just an idea, just an attitude that you have control over.

OR, we are just bags of water running around this dirt disk* circumventing the sun. (Too deep, Mike. Too deep.)

So here's the call to action: ("Wait, Mike, this is an advertisement?" DUPED YOU! No, it's not, but it's definitely an opinion piece about something I shoot. I am a working photographer, remember?)

I want to book individuals that are fearless. I want clients that want to break the mold of what they think boudoir is. I want to create highly stylized shoots for people to be whoever they want to be. I also want people that think a tee-shirt can be sensually photographed, and everything in between. When all is said and done, I want the client to be happy they looked in their rear view mirror for a moment and caught a glimpse of something they love: themselves. I'm not going to go into pricing or value because I think my work speaks for itself. If you have an interest
in making images for yourself, for the spaghetti monster in the sky, or someone in particular, please contact me. I want you to be happy with yourself, even if it's just through pictures.
Thanks for reading/listening.

Below are some examples of my work. For booking or more information send me a note on my website, in the about me section. Thanks kids!

So you want to be a model...and other forms of etiquette in 2017.

Listen above!

I have my coffee, dark side of the moon is spinning on the record player(one of the more brain expanding albums IMO) and I'm ready to write a centered non vindictive blog post about a topic that is very near and dear to me, modeling. It's a term that grossly encompasses way too many people, actions and statuses in this social media, narcissistic world. I'm going to try to keep some of my more base emotions about modeling in check as I write this. What in the hell could that mean Mike? Well, let's get some of my bullshit out of the way first because I truly really do want to help people understand what it means to model. I hesitate to say "be a model" because that means SO many things.

Okay, let me sort out some of my choice feelings first so that I can have a clear, helpful guide to those who actively want to pursue this trade. I'm pretty sure a lot of "what it takes" to be a model falls in line with most successful jobs but everyone needs a refresher. More on this later.

Okay bullshit time.

I don't even like the term model. It's like talking about amateur photographers and pro photographers. Does one have a different connotation than the other? Sure it does! It's the same thing with pro models and amateur models. Social media has driven all of us insane. Technology has driven us all insane. Let me explain. If you're "attractive" people always say that you should model. Quite a true falsehood as many attractive people can make pretty shitty models. Modeling is more of a subset of important actions that attractiveness can only help so much. So in this social media driven world that is guided largely by how you look, folks are being told they should be doing certain things they may not be cut out for. Coupled with technology this becomes downright scary. Let me tell you, digital cameras have gotten AMAZING. I'm thinking about just buying canon's entry level slr and shooting with that and saving tons of money but seriously, blokes who have picked up a camera in the past 1 month are taking "decent" images of people. Like, it's getting exceptionally hard to take crappy photos. Seriously, I will give my slr with nice lens to my cousin who is 6, put it on auto, and have them take pictures of what they like and they are BEAUTIFUL.

Okay, I'm starting to get tangential, the point is, this community of people with access to good technology and "attractive" people have bred a pool of amateur models and photographers that just continue the cycle of mediocrity. Are there amazing photographers and models that come out of this? Sure, definitely, nobody is saying that you can't amount to anything if you start out this route but I feel a lot of people would agree, those individuals would have pursued their trades regardless. I mean this guy didn't go to a photography school. Totally not tooting my own horn. I feel I'm okay at what I do but I try, really hard, like engrossing my life in all aspects of photography, hourly.

Anyway, my point to this garbled mess is that there is a lot of noise. I speak of this noise a lot in photography. It just so happens with modeling as well. So I tend to have a little bit of a pulmonary embolism explode when I see people throwing up their picture and saying "I have never modeled, I want to shoot boudoir, can photographers take pictures of me?" Excuse me, I need to clean up the pool of blood at my desk that has escaped from my brain. 

So that's my bias. People know, I try very hard to not work with new folks. I generally end up having a bad experience, why? They are in it for the wrong reasons or they aren't in it for enough of a reason. I'm so dedicated to what I do and I guess it could be unfair but I expect people to be as dedicated to what they do as well.  My time is so important, so important. I would hope they thought their time be important too. 

I want to deter the wrong people from coming aboard. I want to cultivate the people that really want to work hard. This work ethic kinda makes me think of my high school choir teacher, Mr. Ed Dalton. He scared the shit out of a lot of people, made them cry, possibly made not so PC remarks to the class at times but his expectation weeded out people that weren't in it for the right reasons. We had a smaller, sleeker, more musically focused choir because of it. Now I don't want to go scaring people but I want to let them know that there is work ahead and the best models work so hard at what they do.

If you want instagram followers, stop reading right now. So here it is, a small list of things that you can do to start modelling or be  better at modelling. A note before I start, this is for someone who really wants to be doing this at 50% or more of the time in their life. It may not matter to the para legal that does liquor events on the weekend or the figure nude model that's also in school. Don't yell at me too much. 

1) Check your emotions and reasoning as to why you want to pursue this. Are you a narcissist? Do you just like having your picture taken? What do you have to give to the industry? This is a funny question but it's true! Do you have a marketable look? Regardless of what you think of the industry's take on sizes of people(IT COMPLETELY FUCKING SUCKS) there are a host of opportunities for print and commercial models. A word on the industry, it's slowly changing with lots of ear pulling so please never feel distraught if you aren't a size 0. Are you in a large or small market? What kind of jobs are out there? Agencies? This takes a lot of research, get to it!

2) Photographers aren't your client. Look, there are some amazing art models out there that tour and get paid by photographers and other artists alike but they are few and more far between than you think. If you can point to a majority of them charging photographers and making upwards of 60k a year I'll shut up right now. A lot of people end up in this rut of charging baseless rates for clothing/nude/hourly to others that will pay them. Your clients are the companies that book you for jobs. Some people even get into a bad situation where people start just charging them to take their clothes off. Photographers are not your end client.

3) Your body is a temple and so is your face, take care of it. Like I said, a pretty or handsome face doesn't work well if you're sleep deprived, hungover or eat like trash most of the time. Your whole self is marketable. Sounds incredibly toddler like but things like, getting sleep, drinking water, regular exercise, taking care of your hands and feet, regular grooming habits make everything go so much better. Think if you didn't take your body seriously and you looked like hell on a job, now you've made the photographer, makeup artist and retoucher work harder. What happens if you show up to a job with awful tan lines and you have to wear shorts or backless dress? Yes these are minor things but when your face and body are your job you always have to be thinking about them. Invest in yourself always.

4) Punctuality and the art of caring. I don't know why this is number 4, it should be number 1 for life and in all jobs. Paid or unpaid, showing up to a job, creative endeavor, on time is a testament to caring. I always say, treat it like you are going to a job that is paying you 2000 dollars a day no matter what. If your stomach was hurting would you still show up to the job if that's what you were being paid? I sure know you would so take that mindset to all jobs, big or small. Not feeling well, fights with significant others or sleeping too late are all kinda unacceptable in any career when calling out sick so don't do it as a model. Use your phone like a phone, call and confirm with the job or client when you'll be there. Ask them how long you will be needed for, remember your time is worth it too.

5) Establish a model kit to take to gigs. Make sure you always have water/snacks/moisturizer/basic makeup/socks/extra underwear/tweezers/mirror with you at all times. A little pack like that goes a long way.

6) If seeking agency representation, you definitely do not need to work with 100 photographers "to get a strong port." This is some sort of lie. I've worked with agency models who were just signed and generally they need a head shot and to see you in person. I see so many photographers saying that they want to help build some port for "up and coming" models. It don't work that way pal.

7) Always continue educating yourself. Every week I set aside 3 hours to learn something new. Whether it be retouching or a new way to light someone I always want to build upon my own base. It's no different for modeling. Study posing, your best friend will be the mirror. Learn to understand how your body looks in different positions, flexed, unflexed. Muscle memory is key to some poses and I always know a model doesn't know what they are doing when they are put in a pose but their face says, "what the hell!?" Work with people better than you, more experienced and enjoy helping others. You sometimes get a lot of feedback and tend to grow when thrown into situations that cause you to be out of your comfort zone.

8) Demand respect. Oye, I could write a book on what has historically been not the nicest industry. You are a human and you are amazing don't let anyone disrespect your body, your time or your self worth. No job is worth any sort of sexual/verbal assault. No job. It is not okay for anyone to touch you, ever, unless it's an assistant who asks for consent and it directly has to do with clothing/hair/makeup. Reference check who you are working with. They should be able to provide you with accurate references.

9) Learn the art of patience. Modeling is a business and you're the owner. I believe I stole that. I'm sorry model management. It takes so much time and commitment, things don't happen overnight. Also, learn actual day to day, mindful patience. You will be on jobs that are long, arduous, boring and the most seasoned models won't bat an eye. I'm looking at you Lyndsie!

10) The act of modeling isn't always glamorous. Some of the most wonderful models are pretty mundane looking people but they come to life when they are in front of the camera. Nobody shows up, looks pretty, goes home. If you feel that is what you're going to get, well, refer back to guideline number 1. 

There are so many other things to list here but I feel like those are the most basic things people can follow. Will you be successful if you do all of these things? Hell no but I believe it's your best bet at success. It's a hard, unfair business that too many people choose lightly. If people knew what it really took to being your own photography business well, you wouldn't wish it on most, the same with modeling. I want people to succeed for all the right reasons. So think deeply about the decisions you make and the time you take of others. If it's still in you to try for this life let me know, because I love working with people who really care about what they are doing. Questions? Comments, I'd love to hear your ideas and criticisms. Leave them below.

Shout out to some of my favorite reliable newbies below.

"You have to use the same filters on all your Instagram posts..."

UPDATE! Now listen to this blog post, right here! It might be cringe worthy because for a voice over guy I suck at reading my own copy!

What? Is this how far working artists have fallen down the disturbing rabbit hole? The title of this blog post is a direct reaction to the tsunami of new aged millennial bullshit that is crashing on everyone trying to make a living at a creative craft. Let me clarify what I am trying to convey in this markedly, horse out of the gates, blog post. One of the many outlets for exposure, advertising,marketing and general narcissism nowadays is the social media platform, Instagram. I feel like an old codger explaining that but hey, whatever. With that seemingly powerful (and mostly free) tool comes a whole lot of utter  horse shit rules, guidelines and social norms that "successful" instagramers should use, created and cultivated by God knows who but probably the unabashed millennial. 

I loathe the instagram machine, I'll be very clear, I wait for the day that it starts to crumble and something as equally asinine comes along to replace it. That day will happen, remember Betamax? It's only a matter of time. You would think a photographer would obsess over the idea that there was a relatively simple platform to display and share their visual content, FOR FREE! I mean, that sounds God damn, amazing. Beats the hell out of a website where updating takes minutes if not hours and content is seen by at least 1/1000th of the people that hop on instagram, right?  It's not that simple though because with the rise of social media platforms comes the rise of social media platform culture. There are little rules, do's and don't to having a successful, and neutured, instagram feed. There's the 98% and the 2%. The welfare queens and the yuppies all in digital visual form. It's rules and regulations might as well share a seat at the table with Communist China. Alright, alright that is a bit of a stretch but you don't conform, you're not going to be successful.

Someone has mentioned to me that my Instagram looked a bit "all over the place" (even though my main stated focus is fashion, conceptual art and the human body) all of which are definitely the only thing on it. Now my slight agitation, yes slight, isn't directed towards the person who said this. It's how they feel in relation to the instagram experience. I won't knock them for that but they later mentioned something more, disconcerting? The fact of the matter is, I should be using 2-3 of the same presets for all of my work...

Can I insert a rocket ship exploding on the tarmac here? I have to learn how to do that because this is where I start to get SIGNIFICANTLY annoyed. That statement is just such a archetype for all the wrong things that are going on in photography and the EXPLOSION, pun intended, of dumb faux tographers that, all of the sudden think, that they are so artsy because they buy a canon 6d (still a great camera) and a sigma 35mm art lens(which will defocus in about 18 months). This market is saturated with that very person.

If your mindset is finding presets to make your work look uniform, you are a boneheaded moron. I automatically think you are a toddler with way too much technology in your hands. Technology that you don't understand, technology you just think is cute or cool or "vintage". Press a button and boom, you have a kodachrome filter(mind you there hasn't been one accurate kodachome preset to date) Are presets all bad? Hell no. They cut time, make things easier and can aid in developing a "look". BUT IT WILL NEVER BE YOUR LOOK. You just bought a preset from someone or downloaded it for free and pressed play, without ever knowing what it did to your photo or how you got to that. Nothing irks me more than people not having a basic understanding of how things work when using them. It's not magic kids.  I much prefer someone actually make their own crappy vintage filter(raises hand, yes I've totally done that and I am admitting to my rottenness) than just click something because they thought it looked cool.

SO MANY "successful" photographers seem to do this. It's all the rage, clients love the look and feel of the soft light/flare and vintage muddy tones. It's a trend and it won't last and half, more so 3/4th of these people won't know what to do with themselves when clients don't want it anymore. Or, they will just download the filter preset of the new thing that is popular.

I've gone slightly off topic BUT VERY IMPORTANT. I am so happy this person said that my instagram was all over the place. Why? Because that's my style. I take every shoot, every concept I make pictures of and I make sure it stands on its own. Does that mean thursday could be different from friday? HELL YES. That's the point. How I perceive the shoot, how I interact with the model/client/subject, that, that is how I show my style, That will always be consistent. 

I've danced with the devil before. I've felt persuaded to edit display work that looks the same for the past couple years and in many instances I've fallen victim to the spell of conformity but today made me realize that those days are quite over. I'd rather make what I want and fall into (even more) obscurity than try to reflect the trends of every photographer who decided to pick up a camera in the last 5 years and charge 500 dollars for a wedding. You folks don't dictate style.

Today, I will beat to my own drum, louder and with more gusto than I ever have before. Today, I will put my headphones on and listen to my playlist. Getting a bit dramatic here Mike.  For my personal life and pursuance of making something I want to remember when I'm diaper laden I couldn't feel more emboldened.

For the work I do as a "career" photographer, things won't change but I'm not going to field clients because they want the latest trend. I want clients to come to me because they like what I have to offer, not what Instagram dictates is good.

Oh look, time to go post my photo of the day on Instagram so I get the proper engagement and free exposure from the insta god's algorithms.

A dagger of Lilies

Well HELLO there! I assure you a blog post that is coherent and focused. Hopefully. Before I get into things I'd like to wave and say hi like a weirdo as I am broadcasting from my new mobile editing work station, aka a laptop! I am finding myself travelling a bit more nowadays and really stuck in a rut when it comes to doing work while I am away. This includes just menial tasks like dumping images to a hard drive. It's pretty silly that I can't even do that. Well, now I can! It's not a mac. I don't think I could ever get into the mac ecosystem. Too expensive, too few ports on their laptops and for Trader Joe's sake, photoshop and lightroom run and look the same. I'm not going to go into detail of what brand it is. All I will say that B&H used department is amazing, it's an i7, it's brand new and it has a full sized keyboard. I look like a neophyte mongrel typing on those smaller keyboards. I'm glad I went with a 15.4 inch screen. A 13.3 inch screen just made me feel, uncomfortable as I edited. Yay for more productivity.

Let's talk images. This is a photographer's blog yes? I say this with some contempt but instagram has opened a few doors for me lately. It's a medium that I loathe but for now I'm playing the instagram game. I say this regularly, I feel like I'm shoving quarters into a machine waiting for some sort of return on my investment. Sometimes it pays off. Sometimes. This time the payment was a connection with another creative human. For some reason I stumbled upon this amazing human. Her name is Lillian and she is an actress/model/writer/advocate and now director in New York City. People that do a lot of things excite the pampers off of me. This life is too short right? Try and make your mark. Even if you think you're making those marks in the sand, it's still worth it. The grand canyon was carved out that way, yes? Anyway, some weird voice inside me just said, work with her, she's a magical unicorn. I happen to think my magical unicorn radar works pretty well, thank you. Boy, was I right. We chatted a few times to set something up and finally decided on doing something low key(it's never low key with me) and simple(again I'm never simple). 

We couldn't pick a worse day. It was raining dreadfully and the place we picked was a bit unorthodox, the mall, in queens. There's beauty in everything, including Forever21. Okay, maybe not everything. I found myself in Hoboken as I am doing a lot more lately and jumped on the PATH. Funny, Hoboken isn't a word according to squarespace spell check. The ride to queens was LONG. Like, fall asleep in your book long. Like, build an ikea Malm dresser long. Like, binge watch the office season 1-9 long. Can I tell you how many times I've done that? No, I shouldn't. I know there are judging people out there. Okay, probably 34. Anyway, it was quiet. The train was mostly empty as it was the middle of a work day and past rush hour. It gave me time to collect my thoughts and sort out the nervous energy I seem to attain right before shooting new people. I totally get nervous. I'd never show it but it happens all the time. I use what little I have of an acting background and just put on a show, HAZAAAAH! <Jazz fingers>

It was shit pouring. My umbrella just sucked as I walked from the train to the mall. I was for sure, thinking, what in the hell are we going to do once I get in there? I am all for rain shoots but I really didn't come prepared with one of those lens condoms. Yes, they are called that. Yes, I just wanted to say that.  And then, there she was. Also, a great Talking Heads song. Er "And she was." She was draped in a long black coat and long waving brown hair. The kind of hair you know will curl and spatter in the wind when someone is full of life and motion.

We walked and talked and spilled the stories of our soap dish places in life. She told me about how she lives with Phenylketonuria or PKU. You should investigate more about this as I'm not going to delve deeply into this genetic nuance. Though, it has to do with a specific building block of protein that she basically can't metabolize. Lily, if you read this and this is malarky, tell me.  She basically can't eat much protein at all and has to substitute parts of her diets with a synthesized version that has that specific protein taken out. Girlfriend can't have steak, girlfriend has never eaten a steak or any meat for that matter. Well, what you've never had you don't miss. I forgave her when she told me she finally had coffee, with non dairy milk. 

She had just dipped her feet into directing. See how I jump from topic to topic? I asked her the silly question of, what do you ultimately want to do with everything? Try asking me that question. It won't go over well. Or I'll say I want to be a astronaut beauty queen that mends and darn socks on weekends. But for Lillian it was pretty clear and probably the strongest reason of why I was drawn to her presence. She wants to write and direct anything that showcases strong women. She wants to advocate for the equality of her lady folk. I say this a lot and it's true. Strong women make the world go round. I say this as a bit of a momma's boy but it's something I've always looked up to and it's something that always needs to be projected. This world needs strong women. Strong women teach. Strong women lead by example and foster boys that understand this need for equality and girls that have role models to look up to. This is why I wanted to photograph her and hopefully will continue doing so.

We walked around the mall. Played on the escalators, had strange lights reflect off of her, stood in the way of people walking by, ran outside and jumped on a light pole but then decided ultimately to hang out on the top of the parking garage where it was pouring. It was feverish and fun. We ran in and out of the rain to collect our thoughts(and my breath). Also to dry off. My cameras were getting soaked and although they are weather sealed it's never a good idea to prolong the deluge. I brought Mamiya out in the rain. Do you know how hard it is to take a hand held quick picture with that thing, while it is raining? It's hard. Though, she was up for it. She was up for it with that bright unicorn spark and a smile. I adore people that just commit. It's what life is about. Never giving 80%, giving 110% and pushing more. She just rolled with it. My favorite set of photos happened when we went exploring and found an overhang of the garage which created this huge soft box light that wrapped around her beautifully while she danced away and flung her hair in every direction. Sometimes a team of two makes images 14 people couldn't put together.

I've been creatively in a funk and this was what I needed. Seriously, there should be a support group for the anxiety people get when trying to make something worth showcasing. It's a heavy lead weight on your chest while they pour water into your mouth. Then sometimes, but only sometimes, something or someone comes a long to make that pressure ease and make the water stop. This time it was her. Thanks Lillian. I hope to photograph you sometime very soon and also show you the wonders of more coffee, with faux creamer of course.

If you would like to know more about Lillian or book, visit her on the web here at Lillian Isabella

Oh derp. Here are most of the photos from our lovely shoot. Please enjoy. If YOU want to get creative, please send me a note, so we can create something!

All images by Michael Jacob Bambuch

The democratization of...part 2

Alright, I promised part 2 a couple weeks ago. You get busy. Sue me. Blogging is something that doesn't come naturally to me. I think writing does but the effort to actually sit down and blog those ideas is quite difficult.  Let's recap. If you have no idea what I am blabbing about, that's okay! I don't either but you may want to read part 1. Just scroll to the bottom of this and click on the link entitled "The democratization of photography..."

Though, I'll attempt a small recap here. After letting some of my thoughts stew for a while I have come to the working realization that today's "photographer" is a product of a couple things. First, an access to inexpensive gear that actually does magical things with little to know understanding of how it works. Iphones, love them or hate them, are magical at taking pictures that could not be dreamed of by the casual picture taker 20 years ago. The same goes for the sensors in today's digital slrs. You honestly have to have to be Helen Keller to not take a decent photo. I take that back. Helen Keller probably would have been bad ass at photography. Secondly, social media has connected every yahoo in this world and given them a soap box to display their work. Good or bad your echo chamber is going to promote your ego no matter what you do. I was going to say thirdly but maybe there is no third. These two things have changed the landscape forever. They have created the eternal guy or gal with camera or GWC. A literal community has been created for people to fester and share their shitty work. With that being said yes, talent will always rise to the top. Giving more people the chance to do something will possibly yield more creative people to be creative but it just creates noise. Noise and competition. Noise, competition and a climate that makes it harder for the consumer to choose. Is this a small enough recap for you? 

With the advent of the best buy photographer something else was bound to be created, the model. Just like photography, in the past, you had to have some sort of effort. You had to have some sort of education. Now, you just need to be decently, and sometimes not even that, attractive and have instagram.   

Just an editing note. I stopped writing this last night as I became increasingly frustrated by the tone and sentence structure of what I was trying to say. I will re attempt now.

Anyone can be anything they want to be, on the internet. Just look at Youtube. Practical celebrities have been made out of talented and talent-less dolts alike for turning on a webcam. Wait, webcams aren't a thing anymore are they? The "Model" is no different. I'll get this out of the way first because someone will probably throw it back in my face. I have no issue with the actual hard working profession of models. I know people in the industry and they work 15x as hard as I do. They are true chameleons and artists bent on making something worth displaying. And no, you're not a real model just because you've been signed to an agency. That definition has been radically blurred. 

Anyway, someone I've spoken to on a handful of times always repeats this phrase to people coming up in the industry as "models." "You are not the photographer's client." I like that phrase a lot. I don't know how true it is anymore but I want to believe it.

Where do models come from?

Suddenly, this influx of Best Buy Photographers appear.

I am struggling here. I feel like everything I am writing is pure bullshit. Bullshit in the sense that it doesn't matter. I'm focusing on a small subset of a very large population. In the end, it doesn't matter for me. Sure, it makes it a little more difficult for me to rise above the noise but Larry with his Canon t3i who wants to shoot pictures of girls removing their tops and calling it art isn't going to affect me. I can sum up a lot of what I want to say by writing a few words. Not going into the reasoning as to why I feel a lot of the men and women that go into this realm of internet modeling are bs and cheapen the business.

This all creates a strange relationship of cause and effect. Photographers, in some instances, prey on the looks of people. You've had your picture taken by a person who owns a half decent camera and you're a model now. Look your photos have more resolution and contrast than your iphone! Guys and gals start to believe they should be modeling and should be charging. Charging who though? More photographers. Personally this becomes a little sick. Remember that quote, "You are not the photographer's client." Though, willing men, yes male photographers, allow this to happen. They start paying models for their time. They pass models around like weird perverted friends.

Man every time I write a sentence I feel the need to defend everything I'm saying because I have friends who do this. I know well respected acquaintances that work their ass off modeling. I just hope they know I'm not talking about them.

I'm talking about the guy or gal that is told repeatedly they are good looking and should model. They find the closest dipshit that will shoo them so they can post on their instagram feed or facebook of how attractive they are. They are just a pretty or handsome face. They don't learn. They don't grow. They don't respect people's time or understand what it means to take care of your body and self. They don't deserve it.

Sure they deserve the chance to be whatever they want to be but it needs to be earned. Look I'm not the judge of what's earned but I know someone who wears the title but doesn't deserve it. Hahaha, and I just said, I'm not judging but I'll judge anyway. Typical Mike.

I feel like this whole post has crashed and burned. I might delete it. My mind has trickled off into other tangents. I might post it with a disclaimer. It's an unfinished thought. If you're a photographer or model that blatantly disagrees with me, please let's talk. 

The democratization of photography and modeling and anything else you can afford.

All the time its, "Mike, write a blog." "You have so many things to talk about!" You've finished like, 500 shoots, share your ideas!" I sit down to write a blog and I want nothing to do with this process. My thoughts matter less the more I sit here and type this. Though, wait till tomorrow when I am far away from a decent computer, I'll be wanting to write those silly thoughts down. 

I suppose this blog isn't about anything in particular because all my thought processes have seemed to escape me. Okay, I'll stop right there. Nobody wants to read a blog about nothing.  I just went and wrote the title before I even have written anything of substance. I'm calling this one, "The democratization of photography and modeling and anything else you can afford." Well, what the hell does that mean? It basically means that two, somewhat specialized, professions are now accessible to a lot more of the population. That's good right? Sure. It sounds remarkably good. Thousands of people who may have not had the means to now have the chance to try it out. It's good when everyone gets a chance right? Too bad I'm a cynic and all I'm going to do is focus on why it's terrible. Let's break this down and start with Photography because one undeniably has created the other.

Photography has been around in some form or another for about 170 years. It went from an uber specialty profession and then to the masses when 35mm film became much more prevalent. I'm not trying to argue that everyone shouldn't have a camera. I mean everyone almost does with the advent of smart phones but what I am arguing is that everyone who has a camera isn't a photographer. Well, duh Mike, they know that. Ah, but this is where the noise sets in. This is where the tidal wave breaks. If you sampled 1,000 people in 1970 who owned cameras and asked them if they were photographers I assure you the amount of people that would have said "yes" would be markedly less than a group of 1,000 in 2010. Am I losing you? Probably. Does this matter? Probably not. Well it does. It does to me.

Sometime after the year 2000 something happened. Digital photography started gaining strength. The cost of technology in cameras dropped significantly. Film started to increase in price. Demand was down.  The winds of change had been felt. Stupidly not by Kodak, those schmucks. Camera companies introduce the first digital SLR. A compact, digital camera that changes lenses and uses a memory card to store photos instead of film. How many photos? As many as your card could hold. The prices go down. Memory prices go down. Film prices go up. They stop making certain films. Companies jump on this band wagon. Digital sensors are cheaper and so are the chips that run the camera. Image quality goes through the roof. I'm taking about real advances in latitude, resolution and contrast. There is no development time. There is no waiting to see if you got the right shot. There is no wasting of negatives.

I just had a thought that has little to do with anything. People have always taken photos. Most point and shoots and 35mm cameras got the job done but they didn't do anything too amazing.  To take really great photos before the advent of digital photography you had to have some money(for film and gear), have a great eye, understand the basic concepts in photography. Okay okay, I'm running into walls as I type this. Of course, you don't need great gear to be a good photographer. My point is, you needed some education. You needed to put some work into that. That's it. That's what I'm trying to get at, you needed some effort. You couldn't just pick up an iphone and take a great picture without knowing anything.  There was no iphone. I think about this when I use my mamiya rb67. That thing doesn't care about you. You work for Mamiya. It will do nothing unless you, meter, set the f stop, set the shutter, focus, recompose, focus, lock focus, take the dark slide out, press the shutter. Advance the film. Getting the negative back and scanning it, you still might have taken a crappy picture. People now hold up their little rectangle and hit a circle and you could get published in nat geo(okay maybe not nat geo) or any other magazine because that little camera sensor has made all those difficult decisions for you. Okay, slowly starting to get even more off track. Let's go back to the digital era.

You have these great cameras that do a hell of a whole lot. If you can't make a striking fucking image with a canon rebel t3i from 10 years ago there's something wrong with you. All these cameras start to become available at prices that were not in a lot of people's grasps. That's a good thing right? No. People don't deserve nice things. They deserve to be given the chance for nice things but you don't get nice things off the bat. This is how I feel about this generation in general. Now people have these image making boxes that do mostly everything for them and it instills some weird confidence in them. "Hey I took THAT picture?" Sure you did kid. You pressed the button. Give people power and they run with it. This begins the delusional feed.

Another striking realization as I type this is that social media has played a huge role in transforming the casual picture taker into the "photographer." The newly minted owner of a digital slr takes a couple pictures of something and posts them on the internet. His echo chamber responds instantly. Things like, "you take such beautiful pictures" and "oh my god you should be a photographer" start to murmur and swirl around them. The "photographer" is emboldened. They are caught up in a frenzy of feel good praise. "Hey, maybe I am a photographer!" they proclaim. They learn that putting watermarks on images is a "professional" thing to do and finagle something abhorrent in MS paint/Photoshop or Gimp and call them selves "such and such" Photography or images or "Focus studios" or something equally as shitty. If they are lucky people start to ask them what they charge. Never taking a business class or understanding what goods and services cost in their market they throw out outlandish numbers like "$350.00 for weddings! with all images and a cdr!" They systematically drive down the market without knowing they won't be able to sustain themselves before it is too late. Also, analogy time. Don't argue with me that people that shop at payless shoes are not the same people that shop at prada. If the Prada shoppers see enough payless prices they are going to ask for less. Sure there is definitely a market for everyone person and you should market accordingly but if those people who would normally pay 3k for a wedding keep seeing photographers that will shoot work for $850.00 people will start to wonder. 

I'm getting slightly off track...again. Geez and I haven't even scratched the surface or mentioned the whole "model" issue now. I might make a second post as this one is getting long. Even my attention is starting to dwindle. 

You create a sea of noise by giving everyone the chance to be a photographer. Just look at instagram. One could argue that it's a good thing. I mean there are a fuck ton of amazing people out there creating amazing images. Is it because they now had access to photographic means? Possibly? I think an amazing person is still amazing without the catalyst. Hmmmm I might have to think about that for a second or a day maybe.

I guess my beef isn't the fact that everyone can purchase a nice camera with less than 500 dollars. It's cool if you can. It's cool. It's just when you're given that power, and there is a whole lot of power in these machines now, you shouldn't be allowed to say you're anything. Wow, I'm just thinking again, social media is to blame.  Maybe it isn't cheaper gear. So fewer people would try to work hard at what they do if they had to work harder to display their images. 

You're not a pilot if you purchase a plane. I suppose you should be one though. I guess that's my point. A person that buys a 5d mark iv isn't a photographer but they should be. Now I see a lot of shit. Like really bad photography. It might be because I am now in a state that is a little more rural. It might be there is just less talent. It really is social media. I'm sorry I keep going back to this but there would be such less noise if people were not permitted to post things if they weren't really photographers.

Mike, that's not fair. You can't say that. You have a very humble beginning with awful photos. (My present is still humble don't you worry)

Yeah but I never called myself a photographer. I remember around 2009 when I actually said "I have a booking this afternoon." It felt really dirty. Like I wasn't allowed to say it. I didn't deserve it. I still have a hard time calling myself one. I guess my tax id number though kinda makes me say that. Don't worry, I'm not equating having a business license for photography to being a photographer. 

Maybe I have issues with the word photographer. Maybe it's all on me. What does it mean to be a photographer .5 person who is drunk reading this? I'll answer it. It really just like anything involving skill. You have to earn it. I don't think there is an award or plaque or time frame that allows you to know you're a photographer but I can tell you about half of the people that claim they are in these small towns aren't. I guess that's not for me to decide but you sure do look like a chump parading your awful images everywhere.

Alright, too much talk. Part two I will chat about the elusive Model. Where did they come from? Why you aren't a model and the gross underbelly of a world that I have witnessed evolve over the years. It's unhealthy and it's here to stay. I hope you've enjoyed my ramblings thus far. Leave a comment or tell me to shut up. Part two, tomorrow. 

Model: Lillian

www.lillianisabella.com

Pay me if you want to sell your art.

I am back from my mini vacation to the Outer Banks and ready to hit the ground running for a very busy next couple of weeks. I should restart this, I already sound like I'm writing a blog for my alter ego, www.michaeljacobsphoto.com. If you need portrait work, please visit him.

Alright, pay to play art shows, what are your thoughts? I participated in my first one this past month entitled, "The Pancake and Booze" Pop up Art show. It's a travelling art show that goes between major cities in America allowing us artist folk a chance to display and sell our work, for a price. That price is both monetary and sanity.  I was told to pay 15 dollars per work I was showcasing. That's not terrible considering I try to price my stuff competitively and its on the larger side of things. This Art show was also being held for one night here in Raleigh at the Lincoln Theater. If you've ever seen a show there, well, it's an old theater. It needs some work. I was told to bring my stuff the day of the show between 2 and 6pm. I got to the venue and there was no sign, nothing. I really had no idea what to do, called the venue, of course, no answer. I travel around back and find all the other sweaty tired artists in line, holding their work while waiting to register. I finally got to the front where a very lovely but completely void of information lady was registering us. Apparently a travelling art show doesn't accept credit cards and she also had no idea where an ATM was located so guess what I had to do? Forfeit my place and line and go for a legend of zelda inspired adventure to find one in downtown raleigh. Not as easy as you would expect. I finally returned after being blown down the street left and right(it was windy don't be dirty). I paid the aloof woman and she told me I could just pick anywhere I wanted that was open to setup shop.

There I was, standing on the precipice of sheet rock being installed by sweaty men who didn't care much about what they were doing. Honestly, they were just building v flat walls very haphazardly and leaving. All the spaces on the ground floor seemed to be taken already so I headed upstairs to the dizzying loft and found two walls to call my own.  Made friends with my neighbor Kat and got to work hanging.

See below:

I am not very good at hanging stuff. I'm actually pretty terrible, especially when given screws instead of nails and 2 inch sheet rock. I made due with what I had. That's another thing. Pancake and Booze said they would give you all the tools necessary to hang your stuff. Wrong. If "giving you all the tools" meant going to the corner of the ground floor and finding random nails and screws on the floor to push in the wall with your bare fist, then sure! They were great!

It was very warm up there and we were all hot and gross but I saw Kat sitting there and in the awful overhead light she actually looked awesome so I asked if I could snap a picture of her resting.

I seem to have lost her business card but if I find it I will give some plugs. She is a wonderful artist who knows how to fucking schmooze. She had all types of mixed media on her wall which was really groovy. She also really hates Trump, so kudos!

My exhibit/wall was a bit of a cluster of things I had done in previous years. I felt paint was a very good concept to display at this show so I went with some pieces I had previously done with an awesome creative team of makeup artists and models.  I also had an idea to make my showcase a little more hands on and enlisted the help of wonderful pal and model, Lyndsie Marie. If you need someone who is effortlessly sweet and professional, consider hiring her for any job you need. Lyndsie displayed the utmost patience and stamina for almost 4 hours. Oh, why was she there? That's right, whoops. So I had an idea to have patrons paint her. There would be live body painting during the show but it was done by trained artists. I wanted regular joe schmoe and  joet schmoe to paint her. I found this might get a little inappropriate, especially if alcohol was involved so I made sure that anyone who painted her had her consent first. I didn't realize the men who attended would be the minority in painting her. Ladies loved Lyndsie. More on that later. So I bought some apple crates, some washable paint and some cheap brushes. Here is before everything went down!

Seriously, I can't plug her enough. Work with her. In an industry that is full of flakes and people that don't take things seriously she is a diamond. Here is some of her contact information:

Lyndsie Marie for bookings: Lyndsiemariebookings@gmail.com

Instagram: @Ms_Lyndsie_marie

Facebook: @TheLyndsieMarie

The show started and people started coming in. It wasn't well managed. First off, when I returned after hanging my work, nobody checked who I was. Aside from that being unsafe, I could have brought 10 more pieces in and not paid a cent. I did however end up having to pay for Lyndsie as she was considered "work." Ugh 2017 people! Seriously though, artists, exploit this loop hole. I think people should be able to sell as much work as they can fit on their wall so if you decide to do pancake and booze, make sure you bring back up prints. 

According to all my wonderful pals who attended the lines outside were terrible. They did not do a good job of organizing who was supposed to be where and what lines were for what door. Apparently you could buy tickets that made you skip the line but those lines were not clearly defined. People started flowing in and what seemed to be the theme of the night started occurring, bottle necking. There was absolutely no space between my wall and the railing. Well, only space for people to walk to the next wall so everyone that stopped at my exhibit ended up causing a traffic jam. It got horrendously crowded. Great for exposure but terrible for engagement really. I don't think Lyndsie moved the entire night from her spot. I know I did not move much. I believe the other artist vendors were excited because they got a lot of the run off from my work. My problem with selling my work is that it's an acquired taste. I also sell large pieces that are pricey. People are going to buy the cute kitten drawing for 10 bucks over my 100 dollar 11x14 of a naked person covered in paint.  I'm a terrible seller. I don't know how to do these things. I don't know how to price anything. I do it to the best of my ability and factor in how much work it went into shooting, whether I used a creative team and how much retouching I had to do. I guess I just need to make smaller, more affordable prints. Ah, well, you live you learn Alanis. 

I was so incredibly happy that almost everyone I know in North Carolina came by to see me. I mean, also the rest of the work at the art show but, friends, coworkers, loves and people I've shot all showed up. That's always the best feeling ever. It's like my birthday. I just get to see everyone that rocks so I am very thankful they took the time. Like I said, it was a really hard place to converse. It was just so crowded but even the 5 minutes of interaction was sweet. I'm starting to feel a bit ranty so I will just show some images from the night, mainly of Lyndsie being painted and then leave you with some final words.

A little note that has nothing to do with anything. I brought my 20-35mm L along to shoot some pictures. First thank trader joe's because anything shorter I would not have been able to capture a thing but secondly, ugh, this lens is showing its age. Holy flare not controlled batman. I really need to invest in something wide that is a little newer. This was canon's first wide angle zoom of the eos era. We are talking a lens built in 1994. A lot has changed and it shows on my full frame sensor. Holy distortion too.

So was all this work worth it? For this show, probably not. It was a lot of work, time and money. Like they say though, if you don't put yourself out there, you'll never be out there. At least people saw my stuff, took my card and looked interested. It's always interesting how people perceive your work. Sometimes I am so aloof as to what people think. I can only smile nervously and say thank you so much.  But I did it. That's what matters right? I'm sure there will be other shows in the future that will be similar. If you don't try, nothing happens. If you do try, maybe still, nothing will happen but that little chance makes all the difference, yes?

That's a Michael J. Bambuch photo...

Oh, site is revamped. I don't want to spend too much time on this. It took me way too long to get things straight on here. It looks amazing on a desktop but I'm still not happy with the mobile representation of the site so I'll be quarreling with square space for the rest of the day. I hope you enjoy it. The template is a little more forgiving to photographers and I really like how you can swipe through galleries instead of just scrolling up and down.

This quandary of my mind may have lost some steam as it popped in my head a couple days ago in a violent night of racing thoughts but I will try anyway. I have a bad habit of looking at too many people's work. I think it takes up way too much of my time. I'm not specifically measuring mine against theirs, I'm just looking. I guess sometimes, I get jealous. Well, jealous is an inferior word because I feel it's too primitive to describe what I feel. I see consistency in other people's work. I see a pattern that repeats that (sometimes) might raise some red flags in my head. When you look at any great or notable photographer you can generally see a constant theme. Sure, at times their body of work might veer off on occasions but as a whole you can tell a group of Avedon pictures from a Ritts or even a Leibovitz. I've just got this pit in my stomach at the moment that makes me feel like this is a real naive battle I fight in my head. Anyway, my point is I can't see a constant thread within my work. Well I can, it's just not an apparent, in your face, thread. Why? Is it because I'm still a baby? I'm still a photographer finding his voice? I'd like to think I'm not. I approach a lot of work I do with a formula in my head that I feel is, constant. What's not constant is how I apply that formula. Every shoot, every concept I feel I complete is lit differently, processed differently and handled inconsistently. 

Something grinds my gears. (I apologize this is a slight tangent on the mike train) I am a part of this very large facebook group called, the rising tide society. It's huge and encompasses many creatives and small business but a good percentage are photographers trying to grow their businesses. The concept of presets came up in a discussion and people were heralding how much time they save(they do save time) and how it makes their workflow easier(they do that also) but if you're not creating those presets and purchasing them, is it your style? Someone commented, "oh it made me find my style so much easier." I think that's a fucking cop out. You select some "vintage" film preset and now it's your style. Fuck that man, or woman. Style is not bought, it's not borrowed. I think to buy a preset and then say that's what your style is sucks. 

Maybe because the digital world is so wide open? The possibilities of anything to look like anything are endless.  When you had film you were more pressed to be a photographer that could utilize aperture and composition. I know of all the tricks in the darkroom but that world was smaller. Film type was the biggest decider of some aesthetic. Maybe I'm wrong in saying that. Maybe I'm not. I feel like my rambling argument is starting to make no sense or less sense. 

Insecure, that's the word. It's not jealousy. I'm insecure that my work just has so little Mike Bambuch in it. This also stems from me watching way too many lighting setup videos on creative live and becoming overwhelmed that there are 100 mediocre ways to light someone and get the job done.

But then there is that part of me that just says, fuck that. Why would I want to sit there and light something the same way 100 times and call it a day. Is that style? No it's wicked boring. A part of me wants to say, fuck it, I'm going to see every opportunity differently and whatever fits that specific shoot, I'm going to use it even if that means my work looking like 1000 different things. 

I really should just write this in a journal and not on a website. But oh well, this is also partly why I started this website. To question myself, to question photography, to just ramble.  Maybe the answer to this is that I just want to be more confident in the formulas I use. There are some I am very comfortable with and then others I fear. I want a lot of tools god dammit. I want to be good at them all. I want to paint the image in my brain with light.

That's me.

Obscured by the Clouds

Probably my most favorite Pink Floyd album, the title of this blog post that is. It doesn't get much love but it's great to edit to. Most Pink Floyd is great to edit to. Give it a listen if you can. Well so much has happened in the past month. I'm not quite sure what to dedicate this to. Well I know what I should dedicate this to but it's going to be hard to choose. This post should really be about my trip to Boston less than two weeks ago and the shoot that we put together months in advance. I'll try my best to keep it about just that. Maybe I should just blog more? I don't even know who reads this.

This brings me to my first tangent not related to my post. GOD DAMN, I spend a lot of money on my web presence. I just finished my business taxes yesterday for the first time ever and it was awful. The taxes weren't that awful but seeing where some of my money goes within a year is awful. Is it worth having two websites? I'll be honest, I don't know? This one definitely needs some work. It has half of the images I want, nothing is fleshed out. I'm not too sure I'm keen on the layout oh, and there is that whole identity branding thing I haven't decided on yet. Calling Jose Ludyan!!(My cousin, who did my branding for Michael Jacobs Photo) It will get there. It has to get there. I'm paying a lot.

Now, wasn't that a fun tangent? Boston, yes, talk about Boston Mike. Here is some small insight as to how this shoot came along. Boston artist and model, Naida Black, whom I am acquaintances with put out a call for people to delve into the topic of Mental Illness more specifically people who deal with it on a daily basis. Though not diagnosed, I have worked in the mental health field for 15 years. Wow, yes, 15 years. Schizophrenia has always been a terribly large and confusing mental illness. It is consistently misrepresented, over dramatized and just plain poorly explained to the general population. I'm not sure if I should go into what it is? Maybe you should Wikipedia it? Do some reading in your spare time. Buy a DSM. One facet of Schizophrenia is definitely psychosis, more specifically the presence of hallucinations. Now there are many types of hallucinations. Some are more apparent than others. I can feel myself going down the rabbit hole of explaining these things but for time and piece of mind from this blog I focused on auditory hallucinations. Again, one small facet of this very complicated mental illness. I have interviewed hundreds if not a thousand people with schizophrenia. I spent countless hours working in a group home chatting with clients who are shaped by what they hear. Just think, decades upon decades of yourself hearing things, sounds, vibrations, perceptional changes, the voice of god, the voice of friends, the voice of a stranger, mangled, sometimes incoherent(like this sentence) sometimes pleasant, sometimes frightening, sometimes so constant, sometimes infrequent. It shapes who you are. It is you. 

So that is what I focused on. I attempted to anthropomorphize auditory hallucinations. Just a very tiny facet of Schizophrenia but one I do not forget. I enlisted the most wonderful people to work with. Samantha, Paige, Kayla and Lindsay have always been there for me when I wanted to do something strange or weird. I knew I didn't have to worry about them. I knew they would just create something amazing. I was so happy I got to work with them again. I tapped Shannon Rouvel for makeup and hair. I've known Shannon for almost 7 years but have never worked with her. Gosh, why am I so silly? Shannon has to be the most professional and focused person I've ever met. If you ever need her services and are in the New England area, please don't hesitate! http://www.shannonrouvel.com

And I've just decided to eat breakfast. Is that another tangent?

.....

I just ate breakfast. It was wonderful. Okay now I have some good belly filled focus. Where was I? Yes the great team! Oh also, Fritz! Fritz is an old college friend that has helped me on so many shoots. That was strange to say "old college" Well it was 11 years ago. Wow. Okay, I need to stop scaring myself. I've been out of Boston for more than a year now so studio space is not my strong point but there seems to be a need so much that there is a website dedicated to finding spaces to create art/shoot and rehearse. It's amazing. http://mass.spacefinder.org/spaces

Just plop your info and price range and a host of wonderful places around Massachusetts pop up. I found a church, yes a church in Dorchester for the shoot. Well, okay, it's the dance studio inside the church but still. This agnostic atheist always has a chuckle when shooting in such sacred spaces. It was perfect, dark floors, wooden plank walls and mirrors! Which you will see later but it was great. Like I said, this shoot has been in the planning stages for months, getting dates, the space, wardrobe all had to come together. I am pretty proud of myself because the "dress" you will see Kayla wearing was mostly made by me. I also did most of the sewing!

I need to back up. So Kayla would be our main protagonist. She's got a wonderful range of expression and an actor's wit. I wanted her to be an individual with a life, loves, wants and needs slowly skewed by schizophrenia. This is why her "dress" was a hospital gown. No I didn't steal it this time(I have worked in a lot of mental hospitals). I bought this one off of amazon but did some heavy editing to it making it more like a dress. I added ribbon, brought it in to cater to Kayla's tiny frame and laced up the back like a corset. She wore hospital socks and heels. I did steal the hospital socks (Fuck you Holly Hill). She ended up looking a bit more patient like than I wanted but it's very subtle. She looks put together, thanks to Shannon, but something is off. Anyway, as I write this I totally am pissed off I didn't take any shots from the back. It was pretty and laced up like a corset. 

Yes, well that was Kayla, now the "auditory hallucinations" were Sam, Lindsay and Paige. I kept going back and forth in my head about how to represent what noise could look like, what static could look like as a person or as a human? I wanted these voices to have their own sort of personality but no significant defining features. It was also luck of the pick that the three of them have very different body types. It just added to my overall idea. I ordered these, well how else can I describe them, body socks, cocoons made of sheer nylon. Go to amazon.com and read some reviews of them. Hilarious. They are used for, ahem, many things, sleep, sex, uh, sex. Oh well, that's not the point here. I just wanted shadowy figures as you will see.

Are you ever afraid that the picture in your head can't be recreated? I always fear this. Seldom do I feel my thoughts on how a shoot will look actual recreate themselves in the work I do. It's something I want to get better at. Visualizing light generally is my biggest concern but that is another blog post for another day. Anyway, it was a riot having them try on these body socks. I implore you to purchase one in your spare time and scare the neighbors.  I'm going to throw some pictures up here and talk about them as I've been so wordy. Enjoy.

Kayla getting into character with Shannon

Shannon doing her thang

Lindsay so hot she needs a fire extinguisher! Woo! Dad Jokes!

Samantha!

Fritz being my test lighting subject. Don't get me started on how many lighting setups I had in my head. I must have spent about 1.5 hours setting and resetting the lights. What I ultimately love using in the end? Window light. Sigh.

The ladies trying on their body socks.

I guess we should practice? I should have thought of that but while Kayla got her makeup done we got into some posing situations as it's vastly different to be a human condom and pose.

Ymca?

They are an emotive bunch wouldn't you say? Very much why I knew they would deliver. These are silly test pictures but it makes me so happy to work with quality and reliable people.

Now I don't want to get too crazy with the sharing of the final images. I'm still going through that process myself with the ladies but I did want to share 3 that I know I will use in some capacity, either for myself or for the gallery. Shit, should totally pickup where I left off at the top. So, artist and model Naida Black will be having a gallery showing of all these images sometime this spring. I'll get to have 2 shots depending on what works well for the setup. It's exciting, so exciting to get my work out there and also shoot a subject that has been very close to my heart and mind for most of my adult life. If you are or know someone who lives with mental illness I implore you to speak out. Educate yourself on it. Sometimes the people around that person are the first line of defense in keeping them from spiraling. Don't be left in the dark and don't leave them in the dark. Also, join NAMI, the national alliance for Mental Illness, run specifically by people living with mental illness. I hope you enjoy this sneak peak.

Always commenting the shoes and socks were very dorothyesque

Making Pictures

I was all set to blog about the last couple of shoots I've partaken in. I had all the images ready to go and hopefully was going to share some images I was really proud of. Like most intentions I seem to have they go out the window.  I was recently able to attend the master works collection of photographer Ansel Adams at the North Carolina Museum of Art, http://ncartmuseum.org/.

Everyone knows Ansel Adams, even if you don't know who he is, you've seen his landscape pictures, most notably the ones featuring a moonlit half dome or El Capitan. I'm sure they have hung in various psychiatrist's offices and accompany positive motivational posters. He is the Beatles or Led Zeppelin of 20th century American-west landscape photography.  I feel because he is so popular he may sometimes gets glossed over. I mean if everyone likes your work, there has to be something annoying about it. I mean, the most popular beer in america is bud light. It's awful. Well, maybe it's the most popular because it's so cheap. I digress. What I am trying to say is sometimes photographers give unsupported hate towards popular things.  Not just photographers, I'm just generalizing the field.

His work astounds me and not because of his ability to capture amazing natural landscapes. I actually kinda hate landscapes. I mean they have their purpose but, bleh. To each their own, right? It's because his system behind making the photographer, yes making, is so operational, it's more than just taking the picture. I explained that very shittily. That's a word, fuck off.  Adams knew what the print was going to look like before he took the photo. His "zone system" for visualizing the tonal range of an image is something photographers (should) still use today.  He understood how the choice of paper would drastically alter shadows and contrast. He spent hours setting up a shot, hiking to a perfect location with a 40lb large format camera. I guess he's a product of the times but I feel like he's also the archetype for a lot of photo making today. Or I should say, should be. 

I've looked at a lot of work lately, I guess in comparison, including mine. The first thing that comes to mind is, carelessness. As photographers we either chose not to or don't have the capability to make sure things are correct. The fashion photographer has a fast prime so they feel, "let's shoot wide open and throw everything out of focus" and people think it's a great picture because of bokeh. Someone sets up lights with a haphazard understanding of ratios or how color temperature works and then they "Fix it in post." I may be seeping into a tangent of distaste I have for the "modern" digital photographer but the same rules apply to everyone. Stop being careless. Stop it. I see so many photographers worried that their camera doesn't have the best iso performance or they want the best autofocus and I can't help but think. How did people do anything for the past 100 years? They obviously got by with more rudimentary tools. Ansel had wood, lens, grounding glass and film. Okay, I could be comparing apples to orangutans but my point is there is a whole facility(your brain and eyes) that is under utilized before making a picture. To Adams, and this is me talking, The photograph was the product of his brain and eyes, his hands were the camera. 

My point is simply, we rely too much on tools that are just tools. Your brain is the tool you need to constantly upgrade, not your camera or lens.  Hopefully this seeps into my work. Shooting people I have always had this animated quality and feverish need to snap snap snap. I can slow it down, I can think. Sometimes I wish memory cards were never invented. The way I treat my film should be replicated in how I treat my sandisk.  I can feel myself getting ever so tangential so I'm going to cease writing. Take a moment to visit the exhibit if you live in the Raleigh metro area or The Triangle, as they call it. Take a moment though when you are there, look at each photo. Go up close, you've paid, inspect the details in the shadows. No Lightroom, No Photoshop. Sure he had a dark room where he did a lot of the techniques now embedded in photoshop but he used his brain, not sliders to get what he wanted.

Oh there you are.

Are you too young to have arthritis in your hands? Ever since I shot a wedding about 10 days ago my hands have been achy and throbbing. Sigh. I need to take better care of myself. I say this as my stomach is grumbling sickly from the 11pm Sheetz run I made after the series opener of "The Walking Dead". No spoilers but it made last season's finale worth the wait. I am a superficial reader of the comic as well so I do appreciate what the writers will (hopefully) do as they have set the appropriate atmosphere for Rick and Negan. This isn't a Walking Dead blog. I apologize.

I need to take better care of my craft. I almost called it art for a second. It's what you want it to be. I feel more appropriate calling it my craft because to me photography is very formulaic. Well, the type of photography I consume myself with is at least. I've spent so much time, or in my eyes, not enough time, trying to lay some roots, get some clients interested, work smarter not harder, I've had little time to create things I love. There is a part of me that really misses the people I used to shoot with so much. I have still yet to find people ready to shoot, see our visions as one and just make a picture for the sake of trying something new. Not to say I haven't met and worked with wonderful people, it's just that the groove isn't there yet. I've decided to take some days out to just focus on creative work, edit my images, cultivate my brand as a photographer. I need my work out there. Instagram and Facebook just don't cut it and have never really brought me anything. Not that I want anything from them. I just want to share my work in a broader spectrum. I'm determined to figure out how to do that.

I've also neglected this site so much and I pay a pretty penny to keep it running along with my business site, www.michaeljacobsphoto.com. It doesn't make any sense because this site is far too amazing to neglect. As I type this I am so thankful for how blogs are set up. Everything is so seamless. If Squarespace had the e commerce of Smugmug, I'd never look back. Maybe it does and I just haven't discovered it yet. 

I'm adding two series to my website, starting off with the never ending "Madre y Tata". As I've moved farther from my parents I've noticed how much they have impacted my life. It has always just been the three of us but this distance has affected me in ways I'm not sure I can quantify yet. I see it on their side as well as I still receive care packages from them as if I was still in college. I'm not complaining. I don't think I've had to buy toilet paper once since I moved here. Your relationship with your parents is a complex one and I don't ever want to tell anyone that they should nurture that relationship, especially if they don't want to. But, if there is more good than bad it's worth trying. This my sound pretty naive for a 33 year old but it becomes clearer the older I get. Your parents are people with fallible qualities, wants, needs and desires. They still make mistakes but they also probably still know more than you. The more I think about my parents, the more I want to give them so much more than they have given me. I would never be where I am, who I am, if they did not support and believe in their son and his very silly and sometimes wrong choices. Believing in someone even though you might think they are wrong, that's love. 

I hope you enjoy the quirks of who my parents are. Maybe you will see some in yours. Thank you Maria and Ziggy. 

Click the Series Tab from the Menu to visit "Madre y Tata".

The execution of all things.

I stressed that it would take a lot more time for me to balance two websites and so far I have proven myself completely right.  Overwhelming anxiety has caused me to not even attempt at balancing either. Luckily, I'm also very good at kicking myself in the ass so here is an attempt at moving the needle of productivity. Summer here in North Carolina has rendered a lot of my outdoor creative ideas useless because of the Trader Joe's forsaken humidity. Maybe I should do some shoots based on sweating. That's a horrible mental image, I apologize. Thankfully, if I need to, I can convert my living room into a studio space. It's not the most glamorous and you can see my box of cinnamon toast crunch in the kitchen while I shoot, but it works.  

     In other news, I'm trying to get this website a little more fleshed out. It does have some of my quality work but just not enough. Life, this website, will always be a work in progress.  I'll get there. I just need to keep telling myself this. You just just have to do the work. Don't let anyone interfere. Don't be afraid that it's not good. If you just do the work, good will come.

I'm planning a trip to Boston this August 12th-16th -ish. I still haven't finalized the end date but I am excited to work with some old friends and some new people as well. It's still my home in my head and I am needing a big dose of northern hospitality or as I like to call it, not being a passive aggressive shit head of a bless your heart, thank you very much mouth breather.(Thanks stranger things) I love run on sentences, don't I? I've come to the realization that I will never be fully comfortable living here. That's okay. I'm not going to go running some place else just because of this. I can be comfortable with the friends and relationships I keep. These past 8 months have showed me some really wonderful people do exist anywhere. I'm looking at you Pi,Ellen,Robin, Nastia, Meeza, Shawn, Rachel and Lori and the others that have been so kind to me in this adventure. My point? Just don't let go of the values you grew up with and you will find people who are likeminded. 

Okay then, so photo blog yes. I should be showing photos. I've been sitting on these for a while because of submissions into various magazines. Unfortunately they were not picked up but that's alright. I am still proud of my team. I couldn't ask for better people to work with. It was an awful day weather-wise and our schedule was a little wonky but we were able to pull off some great images. This was shot at the Pratt greenhouses in Long Island. It's a beautiful wildlife preserve now and probably every 15 year old's smoke spot. Models: Kayla and Maya(of anchor talent) Hair/makeup/original pieces by Katie Ciampa

A thick layer of deet.

My goodness. I have been living in the dark ages for so long. Using squarespace for a website is a real treat. Just typing this knowing I don't need to basically create a new blog page from the ground up is so satisfying. I mean, I can schedule this post, meta tag it, add keywords, pictures to the preview! It's like, a real blog. I'm still adding some content to this website

Another home for me to live.

For a long time I thought I could just be the photographer that did it all. I have found this confuses people profoundly. I am pretty stubborn by nature and took me a while and a lot of people saying the same thing to finally do this. This is now the home of Michael J. Bambuch, photographer. My business, Michael Jacobs Photo LLC, will continue as usual but completely focus on portraits/headshots, weddings/boudoir/engagements and other life events. This site will be more organic, unrestrained and generally feature the work that my clients would not usually likely be a part of. It needed its own home and a place to grow as my more family friendly work has. I will do my best to update this as work with new creatives in North Carolina. The ideas behind these images are the reasons why I became a photographer. I hope you enjoy the images as much as I enjoyed making them.