Well HELLO there! I assure you a blog post that is coherent and focused. Hopefully. Before I get into things I'd like to wave and say hi like a weirdo as I am broadcasting from my new mobile editing work station, aka a laptop! I am finding myself travelling a bit more nowadays and really stuck in a rut when it comes to doing work while I am away. This includes just menial tasks like dumping images to a hard drive. It's pretty silly that I can't even do that. Well, now I can! It's not a mac. I don't think I could ever get into the mac ecosystem. Too expensive, too few ports on their laptops and for Trader Joe's sake, photoshop and lightroom run and look the same. I'm not going to go into detail of what brand it is. All I will say that B&H used department is amazing, it's an i7, it's brand new and it has a full sized keyboard. I look like a neophyte mongrel typing on those smaller keyboards. I'm glad I went with a 15.4 inch screen. A 13.3 inch screen just made me feel, uncomfortable as I edited. Yay for more productivity.

Let's talk images. This is a photographer's blog yes? I say this with some contempt but instagram has opened a few doors for me lately. It's a medium that I loathe but for now I'm playing the instagram game. I say this regularly, I feel like I'm shoving quarters into a machine waiting for some sort of return on my investment. Sometimes it pays off. Sometimes. This time the payment was a connection with another creative human. For some reason I stumbled upon this amazing human. Her name is Lillian and she is an actress/model/writer/advocate and now director in New York City. People that do a lot of things excite the pampers off of me. This life is too short right? Try and make your mark. Even if you think you're making those marks in the sand, it's still worth it. The grand canyon was carved out that way, yes? Anyway, some weird voice inside me just said, work with her, she's a magical unicorn. I happen to think my magical unicorn radar works pretty well, thank you. Boy, was I right. We chatted a few times to set something up and finally decided on doing something low key(it's never low key with me) and simple(again I'm never simple).

We couldn't pick a worse day. It was raining dreadfully and the place we picked was a bit unorthodox, the mall, in queens. There's beauty in everything, including Forever21. Okay, maybe not everything. I found myself in Hoboken as I am doing a lot more lately and jumped on the PATH. Funny, Hoboken isn't a word according to squarespace spell check. The ride to queens was LONG. Like, fall asleep in your book long. Like, build an ikea Malm dresser long. Like, binge watch the office season 1-9 long. Can I tell you how many times I've done that? No, I shouldn't. I know there are judging people out there. Okay, probably 34. Anyway, it was quiet. The train was mostly empty as it was the middle of a work day and past rush hour. It gave me time to collect my thoughts and sort out the nervous energy I seem to attain right before shooting new people. I totally get nervous. I'd never show it but it happens all the time. I use what little I have of an acting background and just put on a show, HAZAAAAH! <Jazz fingers>

It was shit pouring. My umbrella just sucked as I walked from the train to the mall. I was for sure, thinking, what in the hell are we going to do once I get in there? I am all for rain shoots but I really didn't come prepared with one of those lens condoms. Yes, they are called that. Yes, I just wanted to say that. And then, there she was. Also, a great Talking Heads song. Er "And she was." She was draped in a long black coat and long waving brown hair. The kind of hair you know will curl and spatter in the wind when someone is full of life and motion.

We walked and talked and spilled the stories of our soap dish places in life. She told me about how she lives with Phenylketonuria or PKU. You should investigate more about this as I'm not going to delve deeply into this genetic nuance. Though, it has to do with a specific building block of protein that she basically can't metabolize. Lily, if you read this and this is malarky, tell me. She basically can't eat much protein at all and has to substitute parts of her diets with a synthesized version that has that specific protein taken out. Girlfriend can't have steak, girlfriend has never eaten a steak or any meat for that matter. Well, what you've never had you don't miss. I forgave her when she told me she finally had coffee, with non dairy milk.

She had just dipped her feet into directing. See how I jump from topic to topic? I asked her the silly question of, what do you ultimately want to do with everything? Try asking me that question. It won't go over well. Or I'll say I want to be a astronaut beauty queen that mends and darn socks on weekends. But for Lillian it was pretty clear and probably the strongest reason of why I was drawn to her presence. She wants to write and direct anything that showcases strong women. She wants to advocate for the equality of her lady folk. I say this a lot and it's true. Strong women make the world go round. I say this as a bit of a momma's boy but it's something I've always looked up to and it's something that always needs to be projected. This world needs strong women. Strong women teach. Strong women lead by example and foster boys that understand this need for equality and girls that have role models to look up to. This is why I wanted to photograph her and hopefully will continue doing so.

We walked around the mall. Played on the escalators, had strange lights reflect off of her, stood in the way of people walking by, ran outside and jumped on a light pole but then decided ultimately to hang out on the top of the parking garage where it was pouring. It was feverish and fun. We ran in and out of the rain to collect our thoughts(and my breath). Also to dry off. My cameras were getting soaked and although they are weather sealed it's never a good idea to prolong the deluge. I brought Mamiya out in the rain. Do you know how hard it is to take a hand held quick picture with that thing, while it is raining? It's hard. Though, she was up for it. She was up for it with that bright unicorn spark and a smile. I adore people that just commit. It's what life is about. Never giving 80%, giving 110% and pushing more. She just rolled with it. My favorite set of photos happened when we went exploring and found an overhang of the garage which created this huge soft box light that wrapped around her beautifully while she danced away and flung her hair in every direction. Sometimes a team of two makes images 14 people couldn't put together.

I've been creatively in a funk and this was what I needed. Seriously, there should be a support group for the anxiety people get when trying to make something worth showcasing. It's a heavy lead weight on your chest while they pour water into your mouth. Then sometimes, but only sometimes, something or someone comes a long to make that pressure ease and make the water stop. This time it was her. Thanks Lillian. I hope to photograph you sometime very soon and also show you the wonders of more coffee, with faux creamer of course.

If you would like to know more about Lillian or book, visit her on the web here at Lillian Isabella

Oh derp. Here are most of the photos from our lovely shoot. Please enjoy. If YOU want to get creative, please send me a note, so we can create something!

All images by Michael Jacob Bambuch

Probably my most favorite Pink Floyd album, the title of this blog post that is. It doesn't get much love but it's great to edit to. Most Pink Floyd is great to edit to. Give it a listen if you can. Well so much has happened in the past month. I'm not quite sure what to dedicate this to. Well I know what I should dedicate this to but it's going to be hard to choose. This post should really be about my trip to Boston less than two weeks ago and the shoot that we put together months in advance. I'll try my best to keep it about just that. Maybe I should just blog more? I don't even know who reads this.

This brings me to my first tangent not related to my post. GOD DAMN, I spend a lot of money on my web presence. I just finished my business taxes yesterday for the first time ever and it was awful. The taxes weren't that awful but seeing where some of my money goes within a year is awful. Is it worth having two websites? I'll be honest, I don't know? This one definitely needs some work. It has half of the images I want, nothing is fleshed out. I'm not too sure I'm keen on the layout oh, and there is that whole identity branding thing I haven't decided on yet. Calling Jose Ludyan!!(My cousin, who did my branding for Michael Jacobs Photo) It will get there. It has to get there. I'm paying a lot.

Now, wasn't that a fun tangent? Boston, yes, talk about Boston Mike. Here is some small insight as to how this shoot came along. Boston artist and model, Naida Black, whom I am acquaintances with put out a call for people to delve into the topic of Mental Illness more specifically people who deal with it on a daily basis. Though not diagnosed, I have worked in the mental health field for 15 years. Wow, yes, 15 years. Schizophrenia has always been a terribly large and confusing mental illness. It is consistently misrepresented, over dramatized and just plain poorly explained to the general population. I'm not sure if I should go into what it is? Maybe you should Wikipedia it? Do some reading in your spare time. Buy a DSM. One facet of Schizophrenia is definitely psychosis, more specifically the presence of hallucinations. Now there are many types of hallucinations. Some are more apparent than others. I can feel myself going down the rabbit hole of explaining these things but for time and piece of mind from this blog I focused on auditory hallucinations. Again, one small facet of this very complicated mental illness. I have interviewed hundreds if not a thousand people with schizophrenia. I spent countless hours working in a group home chatting with clients who are shaped by what they hear. Just think, decades upon decades of yourself hearing things, sounds, vibrations, perceptional changes, the voice of god, the voice of friends, the voice of a stranger, mangled, sometimes incoherent(like this sentence) sometimes pleasant, sometimes frightening, sometimes so constant, sometimes infrequent. It shapes who you are. It is you.

So that is what I focused on. I attempted to anthropomorphize auditory hallucinations. Just a very tiny facet of Schizophrenia but one I do not forget. I enlisted the most wonderful people to work with. Samantha, Paige, Kayla and Lindsay have always been there for me when I wanted to do something strange or weird. I knew I didn't have to worry about them. I knew they would just create something amazing. I was so happy I got to work with them again. I tapped Shannon Rouvel for makeup and hair. I've known Shannon for almost 7 years but have never worked with her. Gosh, why am I so silly? Shannon has to be the most professional and focused person I've ever met. If you ever need her services and are in the New England area, please don't hesitate! http://www.shannonrouvel.com

And I've just decided to eat breakfast. Is that another tangent?

.....

I just ate breakfast. It was wonderful. Okay now I have some good belly filled focus. Where was I? Yes the great team! Oh also, Fritz! Fritz is an old college friend that has helped me on so many shoots. That was strange to say "old college" Well it was 11 years ago. Wow. Okay, I need to stop scaring myself. I've been out of Boston for more than a year now so studio space is not my strong point but there seems to be a need so much that there is a website dedicated to finding spaces to create art/shoot and rehearse. It's amazing. http://mass.spacefinder.org/spaces

Just plop your info and price range and a host of wonderful places around Massachusetts pop up. I found a church, yes a church in Dorchester for the shoot. Well, okay, it's the dance studio inside the church but still. This agnostic atheist always has a chuckle when shooting in such sacred spaces. It was perfect, dark floors, wooden plank walls and mirrors! Which you will see later but it was great. Like I said, this shoot has been in the planning stages for months, getting dates, the space, wardrobe all had to come together. I am pretty proud of myself because the "dress" you will see Kayla wearing was mostly made by me. I also did most of the sewing!

I need to back up. So Kayla would be our main protagonist. She's got a wonderful range of expression and an actor's wit. I wanted her to be an individual with a life, loves, wants and needs slowly skewed by schizophrenia. This is why her "dress" was a hospital gown. No I didn't steal it this time(I have worked in a lot of mental hospitals). I bought this one off of amazon but did some heavy editing to it making it more like a dress. I added ribbon, brought it in to cater to Kayla's tiny frame and laced up the back like a corset. She wore hospital socks and heels. I did steal the hospital socks (Fuck you Holly Hill). She ended up looking a bit more patient like than I wanted but it's very subtle. She looks put together, thanks to Shannon, but something is off. Anyway, as I write this I totally am pissed off I didn't take any shots from the back. It was pretty and laced up like a corset.

Yes, well that was Kayla, now the "auditory hallucinations" were Sam, Lindsay and Paige. I kept going back and forth in my head about how to represent what noise could look like, what static could look like as a person or as a human? I wanted these voices to have their own sort of personality but no significant defining features. It was also luck of the pick that the three of them have very different body types. It just added to my overall idea. I ordered these, well how else can I describe them, body socks, cocoons made of sheer nylon. Go to amazon.com and read some reviews of them. Hilarious. They are used for, ahem, many things, sleep, sex, uh, sex. Oh well, that's not the point here. I just wanted shadowy figures as you will see.

Are you ever afraid that the picture in your head can't be recreated? I always fear this. Seldom do I feel my thoughts on how a shoot will look actual recreate themselves in the work I do. It's something I want to get better at. Visualizing light generally is my biggest concern but that is another blog post for another day. Anyway, it was a riot having them try on these body socks. I implore you to purchase one in your spare time and scare the neighbors. I'm going to throw some pictures up here and talk about them as I've been so wordy. Enjoy.

Kayla getting into character with Shannon

Lindsay so hot she needs a fire extinguisher! Woo! Dad Jokes!

Fritz being my test lighting subject. Don't get me started on how many lighting setups I had in my head. I must have spent about 1.5 hours setting and resetting the lights. What I ultimately love using in the end? Window light. Sigh.

I guess we should practice? I should have thought of that but while Kayla got her makeup done we got into some posing situations as it's vastly different to be a human condom and pose.

They are an emotive bunch wouldn't you say? Very much why I knew they would deliver. These are silly test pictures but it makes me so happy to work with quality and reliable people.

Now I don't want to get too crazy with the sharing of the final images. I'm still going through that process myself with the ladies but I did want to share 3 that I know I will use in some capacity, either for myself or for the gallery. Shit, should totally pickup where I left off at the top. So, artist and model Naida Black will be having a gallery showing of all these images sometime this spring. I'll get to have 2 shots depending on what works well for the setup. It's exciting, so exciting to get my work out there and also shoot a subject that has been very close to my heart and mind for most of my adult life. If you are or know someone who lives with mental illness I implore you to speak out. Educate yourself on it. Sometimes the people around that person are the first line of defense in keeping them from spiraling. Don't be left in the dark and don't leave them in the dark. Also, join NAMI, the national alliance for Mental Illness, run specifically by people living with mental illness. I hope you enjoy this sneak peak.

Always commenting the shoes and socks were very dorothyesque